Took me 3 years to admit I was the problem, not just my ex

Phoenix Knight · 2026-06-22T09:10:03.054789+00:00

Last month my therapist in Portland straight up told me I kept picking fights over money because I was scared of being alone after the divorce. That hit harder than any of the court stuff did. Anyone else realize they were carrying their own junk into the split?

young.thomas2mo ago

That therapist really knows how to drop a truth bomb on you... realizing you were the common denominator in all those fights is a tough pill to swallow.

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danielr992mo ago

Nah, I'd push back a little on the "dumpster fire with a credit card" thing. I think it's more like you're so used to surviving alone after a divorce that you don't know how to just sit still with someone. You invent problems because quiet feels dangerous. I did the same thing with my second ex, picked apart how he loaded the dishwasher when really I was just bracing for him to leave like the first one did.

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angela_morgan2mo ago

Right so you're saying for 3 years you thought your ex was the problem but really you were just a dumpster fire with a credit card? Classic. I had a similar moment when I realized I was the one who started every single argument about the dishes being left in the sink. Turns out I was just mad he went to bed at 10pm and I stayed up spiraling alone. Therapy really is just paying someone to tell you what your friends were too nice to say.

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