My beta reader said my dialogue was 'too tidy' and I fought it for weeks

I used to write every conversation where people say exactly what they mean and wrap up cleanly. A guy in my critique group told me that real people interrupt, trail off, and change subjects mid-sentence. I rewrote a scene where two characters argue about a lost dog and left one line hanging with just 'But I thought...' without finishing. It made the whole thing feel way more real. Anyone else have a writing habit you were sure was right until someone called it out?

4 comments

4 Comments

barbara_jenkins6615d ago

Oh yeah, @alice928 is spot on about that "But I thought..." trick... it's like magic once you get over feeling weird about it. I had a beta reader tell me my characters sounded like they were giving PowerPoint presentations instead of actually talking to each other. It hurt my feelings at first because I thought clean dialogue was the sign of a good writer. But then I listened to people at the grocery store and realized nobody finishes a sentence cleanly, especially when they're upset or excited. Now I leave lines hanging and let characters talk over each other and it feels way more natural. Still feels wrong sometimes but the feedback has been way better.

murray.robert15d agoTop Commenter

Yeah, real talk is messy... that grocery store thing is the best writing advice nobody tells you about. I started eavesdropping at coffee shops and it was like a lightbulb went off. People interrupt themselves, change subjects mid sentence, all that stuff. My first drafts still come out all proper and stiff, I have to go back and mess them up on purpose. Makes a huge difference though, even if it feels like you're doing it wrong.

the_sean15d agoMost Upvoted

Yeah the PowerPoint thing hurts but it's true. I had the exact same wake up call when a friend read my first chapter and said every character sounded like they were reading from a script. I went back and listened to my own phone calls and realized I say "um" like three times per sentence and trail off constantly. Now I write dialogue with all the stutters and half sentences and it reads like actual humans talking instead of robots having a conversation.

alice92815d ago

The "But I thought..." trick is gold, I do that all the time now when characters get flustered. It took me forever to accept that messy dialogue is actually better than tidy dialogue.