TIL feedback on my dialogue killed my favorite character

I had this one character who talked in this real flowery, poetic way, and I thought it was genius. Then a beta reader told me, 'Nobody talks like that, not even wizards.' They were right. I rewrote his lines to just say 'Pass the salt' and it actually made him feel more real.

5 comments

5 Comments

pat_roberts552d ago

Bring back the salt, let him talk fancy again.

phoenixk642d ago

Huh, but was the flowery talk actually GOOD or just fancy? Like, was it giving real character depth or just showing off your vocabulary? I've seen writers where every wizard sounds like they swallowed a thesaurus and it ruins everything. The real question is if that style added anything to who they were as a person or just felt like a gimmick you liked. Did the beta reader actually hate the character or just the way they talked?

quinnm772d agoMost Upvoted

Ha, guilty as charged I've definitely been that writer before.

emma962d ago

Yeah, but was the flowery talk actually GOOD" is the real question though. I've seen writers throw big words at a character just to sound smart, and it makes me want to skip every scene they're in. If the fancy talk actually shows who they are as a person, then it works. But most of the time it's just extra words with no meaning.

emma_garcia2d ago

Maybe flowery talk was what made that character special in the first place though.