Unpopular opinion: That "love bombing is always a red flag" advice does more harm than good

I mean, I get why people say it. My friend got pulled into that group in Portland back in 2019 and the love bombing was definitely part of it. But telling everyone that any fast affection from a new group is a cult tactic? That's just not true. I joined a climbing gym community last year where people were super welcoming from day one, buying me beers, inviting me on trips. If I'd pulled back because of that advice I'd have missed out on some solid friends. The real sign isn't the intensity of the welcome, it's what happens when you say no or disagree. Has anyone else seen this advice backfire on people?

3 comments

3 Comments

grantw419d agoMost Upvoted

Agree with most of this but kimw57's point about testing them by saying no can backfire too. Some people just aren't great at hiding their disappointment at first but come around later, so that's not always the perfect test either.

kimw5710d ago

The real sign isn't the intensity of the welcome, it's what happens when you say no" - that's the part most people miss. I've seen folks ditch perfectly healthy new communities because they got spooked by someone being nice, when the real test is how they react when you set a boundary.

singh.harper9d ago

Found the same thing when I moved to a new city and joined a running group that was almost too friendly at first. @kimw57 nailed it - I tested them by saying I couldn't make a Saturday long run and they just shrugged and said next time. Fast forward two years and those same people helped me move apartments without blinking.