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The moment I realized I was doing everything wrong in my marriage was when my therapist pointed out that I kept apologizing for things that weren't my fault
I'd been saying sorry for 12 years in Denver to avoid conflict, and then she asked me what the last five fights were actually about, and I couldn't name one because I'd just been absorbing blame to keep the peace. Has anyone else had that wake-up call where you saw your own pattern staring back at you?
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charlies371mo ago
Oh great, so you're telling me there's a cheaper way to screw up my marriage than by buying a dozen roses every time I sneeze wrong? Man, I spent a solid five years apologizing for my wife's bad parking job before I realized I wasn't even in the car. My therapist basically handed me a mirror and said "look, you're a human doormat with a guilt complex." Now I just say "that's a you problem" when she blames me for the dog eating her shoe. Works about 30% of the time, which is honestly better odds than my apologizing strategy ever gave me.
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laura_black1mo ago
Man, that 30% success rate is actually pretty impressive for relationship stuff! My ex used to get mad at me for the way I stacked firewood, like there's a wrong way to stack logs. I feel you on the doormat thing, took me years to figure out I wasn't responsible for everyone else's mood. @charlies37 you're doing better than half the people I know, most of them are still buying roses for stuff they didn't even do.
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morganmartinez1mo ago
Wait, people actually get yelled at for how they stack firewood?
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